Roberto's Ramblings

Matinenenda

2009-07-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

Had a great weekend at camp Matininda. While I was at camp I heard that my friend Konner was in town. If I had known Konner was in Blind River for the weekend I would have stayed in town.

Can't blame him though for not calling me up to confirm if I was still around, as the last time I saw him I was pretty fucking out of it. I was poor, jobless and sort of going through my midlife crises. The one where you feel you haven't lived life to the fullest in your youth, and your old enough you know roughly how the rest of your young life is going to play out and it's not too exiting.

And I cannot accept the idea that the rest of my life will not be the sort something i can objectively look forward to with excitement.

So while I was down in Toronto for my best friends wedding I projected my mid life anxiety attacks onto my best friend, a soon to be married company man, my own fatalistic fears about the future.

I didn't even do a toast to the man, as admirable as he is, rather I scribbled something down but worried it wasn't good enough so I remained silent during the toasts. How is that behavior for guaranteeing a meek and predictable life?
So I haven't really been expecting him to call when he's in town. But I can hope he will call, and look forward with excitement to our next meeting.

And know that I will have a hand in making that future meeting possible.

FAX

2006-06-01T13:29:00.000-07:00

They say that the first step toward getting yourself out of the gutter is admitting that you have a problem.

I have discovered just today that admitting you have a problem is step two.

Step one is admitting that Microsoft has a fucking problem and that they have been fucking you well and good in the ass for the last week.

I've been faxing out my resumes to jobs in Ottawa the last week and not one person called me back.

I've been using the Microsoft fax option in Microsoft word.

Today I faxed someone I knew and found out that none of my faxes where getting to any fax machines.

Searching through the help options I found out that I needed a Microsoft XL fax account to send faxes

So when Microsoft said, "Your document has been sent" they didn't mean that it had been sent to anyone with a fax machine.

Where the fuck are my faxes? Have they winked out of existence?

Are my faxed resumes floating aimlessly forever in the ether of cyberspace?

Attaching themselves to random bits of free floating data.

Gathering into a random jumble of information

becoming self aware with menelolent intelligence?

I hope so, and I hope that menovelence is aimed at the sick evil

Microsoft fucks who cost be 7 days of job hunting.

Sick evil fucks

Roberto Shamasio

Going Quietly Pt 1

2006-05-29T20:35:00.000-07:00

A while back I wrote about how I was fired on account of my blog.

Now that I'm trying to re-enter the security field, if only for the summer, I've had to revisit the event in my mind.

The day I was fired my supervisor at Cameco called me at home and told me she wanted a meetup and so we met up.

She told me that I was being quietly fired, and that it was best for me to keep things on the down low.

I agreed that it was best if word did'nt get around Blind River

She asked me if I had mentioned the war on terror on my blog and I said that the war on terror was a sham.

She asked if I had mentioned our patrols and I said yes but that I had not written anything that wasn't public knowledge.

I thanked her for defending me to the cocksuckers in the company and I apologized to her for having backed the wrong horse.

My supervisor later brought my personal belongings over in a box because I was thought to be told dangerous to be allowed back on site.

I received a letter in the mail a week later from my security company saying that I was fired by Cameco
for breaking my confidentiality agreement and allusions to terrorism on this website.

The letter also said that the security company itself wasn't firing me and that if I still wanted a job they would transfer me to Sault St. Marie.

I declined and I left for Ottawa three weeks later.

Roberto Shamasio

Security and Whatnot

2006-05-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

I can't afford to not have a job so I applied to this security company who said that if I took their paid course they would give me a certificate and maybe a job,

So I paid them 200 dollars on the chance that they would later hire me.

I knew going in it was a ripoff but I can't spend another 3 months without a job, so I paid up and took the course without any promise of employment.

The course was all about courtesy, character and professionalism on the job.

I scored the worst mark of anyone I know of.

Maybe also marks were removed for spelling errors and not knowing the date. We had to write down the date we took the test and I don't really often know what day it is.

Or where all this is going

Roberto Shamasio

Artless

2006-05-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

Went to my first private art collection today in the Ottawa Market.

The staff wasn't all bitchy or anything like in the movies. The whole time I was there though I was trying to avoid the staff because the staff was all girls.

I'm told when a girl meets a man the first thing they look at is your shoes.

And my shoes were scuffed and old, and if she looked at them she would know I was some poor as punk that had no intention of buying an $800 2 foot tall statue of "Don Xiote."

My cover was blown when one of the art people asked me

"Are you seeing anything you like?"

And I says back to her, "I like the animal paintings"

So right away everybody knows I have the artistic tastes of an 8 year old. Even with that dim remark I wasn't treated with any disrespect.

because my clothes were old but stylish beyond belief, and possibly unreasonably expensive, so there was at least a small chance that

My mom and dad are rich fucks who would like to buy a $8,000 painting of a tropical sunset.

though of course Mom and Pops have better taste than that.

My parents and I prefer paintings of northern fur bearing animals.

Maybe the hosts of the gallery were nice to me because they're genuinely good people

and they really do love art, because they're probably art students.

and were happy to share art with the unwashed masses.

Roberto Shamasio

Last Night We were wacthing Morey Povich

2006-05-20T23:19:00.000-07:00

People I Saw on Wednesday

2006-05-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was chilling downtown

On the way I ran into my friend Rocky from the MetroWaste Recycling Plant.

Rocky and I talked about the same shit we always tak about when we hang esoteric knowledge and the 'Reptilian Agenda'.

Rocky is articulate and kind and I'm glad that we ran across each other.

The reptilian Agenda is the goal of world domination held by satanic extraterrestrial shapeshifting reptiles and some Jewish People.
Among their number is George Bush, The Queen of England and Rock star Bono the frontman of the Irish rock band U2. I'm of course joking about Bono.

Bono has never been named as a suspected Reptiod shapeshifter.

The Engineering student from the shawarma shop was at the shop today so we talked and as he was leaving he gave me my first 'knuckle press' so I was feeling all gangsta.

I actually hit his fist with my fist at the wrong angle but it went ok.

I also saw L_________, a girl I used to hang with now and again. She was shopping at 'Epochs' the jewlery store where I bought my girlfriends Christmas present

L________ once asked me if I wanted to kiss her and she great so I said yes and becouse she's so great she didn't even laugh at me.

I was going to talk to her in the Egyptian jewrly store and say hello but her husband was there and I had nothing to say so.....

Two out of three aint bad

Roberto Shamasio

Looking for Work

2006-05-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

back in the city and looking for work again.

I'm looking at moving furniture or making sandwiches.

Moving furniture pays better than sandwich making and will get me in shape

Making sandwiches at a bar will get me half priced sandwiches

And perhaps mob connections.

Which I'm gonna need if I going to find the first five long past sold out issues of "DMZ" tha badest new addition to my monthly comic shopping list

Part 1 of a story arc began last month so if you missed the first five issues now is the time to jump on board for a new storyline.

The protagonist is a sheltered blue-blooded press intern who finds himself unwillingly stranded on Manhattan Island, a DMZ in an ongoing American civil war.

He turns his countries troubles and his own misfortune into an opportunity for employment as Manhattans only imbedded war reporter.

Speaking of which, it's been 8 weeks since I applied for employment to Halliburton’s KBR Iraqi Operations Division. No word on that so far.

My first friend in Ottawa, a refugee of the Balkan war told me one time

"When a war breaks out the scum will always float to the top"

My girlfriend works with biofilms and she tells me sometimes about all of the different kinds of scum out there.

And not all scum floats to the top

With that in mind perhaps selling out to the warlords isn't my destiny.

Besides making sandwiches is something I think I could get really good at and feel good about.

Roberto Shamasio

Back in Black

2006-05-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Back in Ottawa yet again, nearly penniless and not at all ready for the heat.

In wintertime it's ok to look like a proletariat because the out of work factory worker look is kind of trendy right now

This past winter I was looking trendily soviet era poor

With my long dirty wool coat, salt eaten shoes and a woman’s knotted woolen scarf I looked kind of baddas. I was looking like the right kind of poor.

This past winter I was looking depression era poor and at times French revolutionary poor, which goes along way in a city like Ottawa

I made poor look good. Not like all those fat drowning people in new Orleans.

I was looking 1984 Orwellian poor

Big brother and alt rock girls and mall security cams all had their eyes on me.

There wasn’t a sexy widower or a gay businessman that could cross me on the street without wanting to take advantage of my neediness. Tempted to offer me a 20 so suck my dick in the Ridaue Mall washrooms.

such was the style of my poverty.

Thats how stylishly desperate I looked with my spiked hair, 4 day beard and outdated v-necks.

Now tats it's summertime and it's too hot to wear those fashionably poor items I 'm feeling allot less cool about my financial predicament.

The summer wear of the barely employed is Wal-Mart t-shirts and short-shorts and I don’t even own running shoes.

I got for footwear is work boots and worn out dress shoes which would be none to stylishly mismatched with proletariat summer attire.

Fashion is a beast!

In the winter it consumes our woolens and in the summer it conusmes our pride.

Roberto Shamasio

Gone Fishin'

2006-05-01T16:43:00.002-07:00

Well i"m shutting downt he blog for a litle bit and maybe a while. I havent' been writing much becouse I havent' been liking myself much but I never really do but now moreso than usual.

BAsicly ebcouse the last few months I've been planning on working out west to pay of my loans wich means possibly sacrificg my relationship in ottawa wich is me basicly choosing money over love.

So Just the last few days after months of planning to leave maybe I decided fuckit I'm staying in the city.

By any means neccecery.

If that means selling my ass or boxing for nickls or whatevr then thats what I'm doing.

Also I dont' think people can read my blog becouse the background is dark adn the writing is small. But then theres contrast isues with the pics.

But then maybe the pics have to go.

Beocuse the blog is suposed to be about keeping a record of my life after I'm dead, so we don't realy ned pics of walmart for that beocuse in 80 years there will be like the united states of walmart so it's not like kids won't know the origion of the place.

So i'm in living limbo now iwht no computer and....I might not have an apartment becouse i'm looking at a job in the militery and the schedule seems to indicate that blogging may be not an option for up to 9 weeks on end.

So if youre tuning in like regualrily stop imediately cuz i'm not writng for a while.

lilfe is beutifull

R____________

Flashlight Brown

2006-04-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

last night I went to see flashlight brown at zaphods and they were pretty awsome.

But as happens more often than not, the unknown opening band stepped up and blew me away more than the band I had come to see.

The opening bands name is Kill manequin,

Everybody in the room had at one piont seen the lead singer walking around before the show.

She was tall and hot and dressed like a punk rock prostitute. She was a bit of soiuxie and the banshees and a bit vampire assasin, and a bit eigthies streetwalker.

i had all but accepted that id'nt neever see anything like that in ottawa

But you can't acount for the out of towners,

Remembe Rambo? He was an out of towner just passing thruogh and look at all the crazy shit that guy caused

So thank you toronto for once again exporting your crazy shit to ottawa for a few hours for my personal enjoyment.

I generally like any girl band that doesn't suck, dosn't wear school girl outfits and doens't smash worms onstage with thier high heel shoes.

So being that kill maneqiuns lead singer dressed like a hoe and sang like a bird, i enthusiasticly paid two dollers for thier single

When I say two dolelrs I dont' say "toonie"beoucse people who say toony sound like fucking retards.

The show in all ways went well besides some guy who I think was the lead singer of "For the Mathmatics" getting kicked out.

The mathmatics guy got kicked out for trying to start a mosh so i totally felt for the guy having myself been kcikd out of a bar for similair reasons.

When i went to the washrom later he was screaming at the doorman

"fuck you fuck you! how can you kick a guy out for dancing! I was just fucking dancing!"

HArpers in office for less than a year and it's already liek the reagen mulrooney years all oevr again.

Roberto Shamasio

2006-04-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

Today i worked for these egyption dudes with anothe rguy form my temp agency.

We worked for these two egyptions who I think didn't like me becouse I was lebonese but fuck them.

Friggen the great fucking Pahroh Khalid deducted my half an hour from my days pay thuogh I only took a twenty miiut lunch.

Movin On

2006-04-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

Well ottawa ended up sucking all in all

The girl thing went pretty awsome but the job thing didnt go so well.

Bottem line i don' speach french, dont' haev expereince, don't have any contacts and my degree is useless.

So I'm off to someplace new to pay off my laons and then come abck to ottawa for roudn three

So I'm off out west were things are booming and it's there that i hope to make my fortune.

I always liekd the idea of the new world, thuogh it's become politically incorrect to call it that.

I liek the idea that a man in a cotten mill int he slums of england could find his forty acres inthe west or found a diamond mine in africa or trade opium in the east.

Actaully opium trade is still a profitable albiet risky c

Party People

2006-04-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

I just discovered the key to enjoying non industrial electronic music.

The secret is that you have to have two shit techno radio programs on two different sets of speakers at the same time

Dueling techno is almost as good as listening to alt rock except that
you can't really dance to techno.

Someguy on the radio called in to remind the Dj that some very cool people have been ripped off by very uncool guys selling counterfeit tickets to a party in Montreal.

I wanted to call in an say

"Hey Raver Nation! If you paid 50 bucks to get into a party filled with dudes wearing soothers and tennis visors then guess what?"

"You've already been ripped off, so being 'ripped off' by centerfieters

is more or less a redundancy

And I'm not intending offense to people who go to these things

having danced to hundreds of hours of industrial music I get the appeal of electronic music, and I got respect for the visor and soother crowd.

Just where I come from we don't pay to get into the party.

Forests, fields, cabins and gravel pits don't have cover charges

Thuogh you enter at your own risk.

Roberto Shamasio

New Job

2006-04-13T16:02:00.000-07:00

Well i got a job now.

It's demolishing a wing of a hospital, 9 bucks an hour, hard work but I gota good guy to work for.

Been breathing in allot of insulation that has become all powdery since it was installed 50 years ago.

They tell me it's not asbestos and since I dont' know what asbestos tastes like i believe them.

A few hot nurses, but msotly theyre fat ugly french women.

I think the hiring comitee must be generaly made of up fat ugly lonely french woamn becouse all the male orderlies are buff goodlooking guys in thier twenties.

Living on saving mean't a life like exiled petty royalty.

Endless leasure on a limited budget

Now that I'm making money, and not much of it, I'm once again defined in part by income class and with it all the punk politics of the working poor.

This is most evidenct in the hospital cafeteria where the tables are populateda cording to proffesion.

You got the disabled, the labourers, the skilled trades the orderlies, the nurses, and posible docters thuogh I'm not sure if docters are allowed lunch breakes in Canada.

Pick any room large enuogh, and fill it with enuogh people and society will rebiuld itslef in the microcosm.

I'm broke, uncultured and son to be homeless

I'ts time to rebiuld.

Wage Slavery

2006-03-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

I've gotten incredibly fat since coming to Ottawa.

And also I'm nearly out of savings being that I do not believe in applying for financial aid from the government.

and so my fattened belly begs me for food

And my brain wants Pepsi and alcohol

I would rob a bank but I fear that after 3 months of inactivity I can no longer outrun the policemen.

I came here for a real job to establish a carrier but it looks like I may have to go back into the slave wage game.

I hate being a slave, especially when living in an expensive city

Roberto Shamasio

St.Patricks Day

2006-03-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not going out St.Patricks day.

Mostly I'm not going out because my girl is out of town and anyone I could go with I haven’t' talked to since returning to the city 12 weeks ago.

I got other friends but I can't go with them on account of me dating one of my friends X girlfriends and people here are not cool with that.

Besides going on out St.Patricks day is like going to church on Christmas eve.

Showing up one that night doesn't really count for fuck all if you having already been showing all year.

And I've paid my dues in the irishnes department as I have

1. bought Gerry Adams biography and only rarely tell people how much is sucked ass.

2. Been questioned by the police in the matter of a stolen portrait of the Queen of England.

3. Argued that blown away was an Oscar worthy film masterpiece

4. Read 44 Irish short stores within two months which no one should have to do.

5. People call me Seamus though it's a mispronunciation of my Arabic last name.

So as far as I’m concerned I'm already living the life 365,

watching Conan O’Brian, pubbing rather than clubbing and reading

an Phlobaht once a month since high school nomatter how badly written it is.

So I'm staying in this St.Patricks day,

taking the day off to celebrate my pan Arab national identity.

And googling irish +pale +redhead +wet + horny

ROberto Shamasio

Vegetables

2006-03-13T19:17:00.000-08:00

Being a vegetarian I'm finding that vegetables are getting old fast.

I've started putting Thai spicy beef powder in with my vegetables.

it's the taste of Thailand.

Minus the taste of sex with impoverished Thai children.

A crime for which Westerners should bear the brunt of the giult.

I myself would go there just for the genuine taste of spicy beef with vegetables.

Roberto Shamasio

Nineties Night

2006-03-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

tonight I went to Barrymores Music hall to meet up with my ex girl friend "C______" who was in town for a few days.

The theme at Barrymores on Thursday night is "Nineties" Night.

A former boyfriend of hers and an old pal of Mine Mike M was also going to be there.

So the theme for me was, "People who Dated "C_______ During the Nineties" night.

I dressed up in my best nineties gear, striaght out of the grunge era.

I had bedhead hair, a punisher T-shirt, black boots, and a raggedy ass plaid jacket.

I was ready to rock the house. Anyone who saw me on the he Bud knew that I was either going to nieties night or Amnesiac.

We were to meet inside at 10 and I got there at 10 to 11 and there was a huge fucking line at the door.

First thing I noticed about he lineup was that nobody was wearing flannel or T-Shirts or even boots.

each and everyone of them was shiny and happy and squeaky clean.

I was like, WTF isn't this Nineties Night?

the girls were all dressed in skany dresses though some were dressed ok but regardless they didn't' dress like anyone I knew in Blind River 10 years ago.

Also the girls we heavier than I remembered but then people were thinner back then and the only girls I knew in the 90's where in highschool.

So being that i was 50 minutes late, facing a line up and possible refused entry based on my lack of 2006 themed attire.

I fucked off down the street to the Shawarma shop where people really know how to dress nineties.

At the Shawarma shop They wear bluejeens, t-shirts and of course the Hijabs which haven't changed much in the last 10 years.

home sweet home

Roberto shamasio

"FeLL"

2006-03-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

Picked up a new comic book called "Fell" today at the comic book shop.

Since it was half the price of a normal comic book.

And it was written by Warren Ellis and illustrated by Ben Templesmith

Both comic book gods in their own right. Proven again with "FeLL."

One of the main draws to the comic book however was the idea of it taking place in a city with a soul.

And the soul of the city has gone mad and the residents are feeling it. Or maybe the city was insane fro the begining.

It reminded me of how I felt in those eight months I spent in Toronto.

Toronto was thick with phychic static with it when I lived there.

I still haven't recovered from it. I don't think it's unreasonable to believe that the cities pyschic feedback contributes in part to the confused mental state of those who live on the streets.

Even inside the shops I felt like I was walking on someone's toes and when I put my feet down and

when I breathed in a lungfull of air I could feel the spirit of the place passing through my teeth.

Or maybe I was just feeling the powergrid and sucking in pollution.

I was thinking of going back but "Fell Reminds me how it was so

Hell no! Not ever ever again!

Roberto Shamasio

Seperation Anxiety

2006-03-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a book I got last Christmas about the seperatist movement in Kosovo during he Balkan conflict.

With that very book in hand I was on the way to the Carleton library where I saw a guy wearing T-Shirt thats said "Republic of NewFoundland"

The lettering was in done in the three colors of the Irish flag.

I don't' know who he was, cuz i was too busy for introductions, but in honour of his fashion sense, political message and his long juorney to the capital I dedicate to him.

"Burn the Flag", from New Newfoundland's own AM/FM Dreams

Roberto Shamasio

The Way Things Were

2006-03-05T11:17:00.000-08:00

The bad news for the week was that NIN cancelled the Ottawa show that my girl had gotten tickets for.

I was looking forward to it but I wasn't all devastated when I couldn't go. Because I had seen them before.

I had seen Reznor way back in 92'. It was one of the best shows ever.

When Reznor came on stage we were all covered in sweat and dust and my 14 year old body hadn't an inch of fat but my muscles felt like jelly from 8 hours of moshing,

Even getting through the gate was awesome, as it was the first time I had ever been searched by security. It had me feeling like a total badass like a gangster or a spy.

Anyone who had decorative chains on their clothing had to remove them for fear that they might be used as weapons. For those that had wanted to use their jewerly as weapons, there was a silver lining.

Inside the show there were vendors selling hunting knifes, and switchblade which I believe are illegal anywhere in Canada.

Weapons trade aside, capitalism had restrained itself, as the tickets only cost 35 dollars each,a and they were for an entire days worth of music, including SoundGarden at the height of their popularity.

Even the water was free.

Part of me really really wants to see them again because last time I didn't even know what the letters NIN stood for.

Also it apears that they are still putting on a damn good show

But part of me wants to remember them the way they were back then

Back when the water was free

Roberto Shamasio

My Friend is White and Middle Class

2006-03-01T23:46:00.000-08:00

I made plans to hang with my friend on Wednesday. I call him up and say

Lets go to sierana on wednesday.

He says, "the critics hated it"

I direct him to rotentomatoes.com where it shows the critics loved it

My friend says, "I go by what Jay Stone says, and Stone says it sucked"

I direct him to where Jay Stone places Syriana as the number 4 movie of the year.

My friend says, you can't just call someone up last minit to go to a movie

"I'm not" I say, "today is tuesday, the movie is tommorow."t.

My freind says, "I'm not paying to see I movie i odnt' want to see"

I'm unemployed without socail assistance but I say, "I'll pay your way"

I say, we haev not done one thing that I haev wanted to do, not one thing, let this be the night we i choose the fate of the evening

My freind says "I don't have time to do things I dont' want to do"

My friend is white and middle class

But then you already guessed that didnt' you?

Roberto Shamasio

Diatribe

2006-02-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

I was on MSN tonight with my old roommate Jen F from Blind River.

She is doing interviews to determine if people with engineering degrees are capable of doing her photocopying and answering her phone.

(She and I have the same sad social sciences BA from Carleton)

She's angry that a senior engineer from Bulgaria raised hell for the right to get an interview with J.F. so J.F. could determine whether or not the senior engineer was able to do Jen F's filing.

Jen F. is mad because the Bulgarian woman's English is poor. Jen would have hated my great grandfather.

I'm not saying where my family name comes from, but I'll give you a hint

My real last name rhymes with the militant anti-Israeli terrorist organization that is now the ruling party in Palestine.

J.F. says of the Bulgarian "get a fucking life and learn the language then maybe someone will hire you, argh!"

and punctuated that comment with "they come here and life off welfare because they refuse to learn the language, "

A few weeks ago a cashier hears my accent and asks me, "Are you from Russia or something?"

"No", I said, "I'm actually from a town in Northern Ontario."

Week eights and Im still looking for semi-skilled work here in Ottawa. But being that there is a language issue with me only speaking English I'm having trouble getting work.

And now every time I send out a resume I wonder whether or not I will be discriminated against on account of me being perceived to be from Russia.

I wonder whether my interviewer will be like my old roommate Jen F from Blind River.

I also wonder how closely matched is the treatment of Bulgarians to the treatment of those presumed to be from Russia?

Too close for comfort.

Roberto Shamasio

Dirty Laundry + Laundry Lists

2006-02-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

I was in my new apartment six weeks before I asked my roommates "where do you guys go to do your laundry?"

Ohh i been Dirt

See I'm filthy, I live in filth, and six weeks isn't so long to be filthy

And i don't Care

I was in my apartment five weeks before my laundry list of my life came out in not just One, but Two MSN conversations.

Ooh I been Dirt

In the first MSN Jen F from Blind River says "Don't you dare tell anyone about our conversation"

And I don't Care

I said to Jen F From Blind River, "why not? The conversation has a direct bearing on my job situation. The parallels are too poetic to not put down in writing"

Cause I'm Burning Inside

She says, I never told anyone about how you would masturbate using my computer, and how you were filthy and how you were into guys.

I'm just a yearning in Inside

Well then! Spring is on it's way! And I guess the cats are out of the bag aern't they?

And I'm the fire of Life

Roberto shamasio

Dirty laundry + Laundry Lists 2

2006-02-23T22:46:00.000-08:00

My second MSN convo in the same week involved me trying to get a friend to go to Syriana at the Mayfaire Theatre. i dunno what it's about but the cover has a picture of george clooney running from a car blowing up

Wich is almost as awsome as the last movie i really wanted him in, where he's ont he poster running from a nuclear bomb thats blowing up.

I can't remember what the nuclear bomb movie was about but it had nicole kidman in it.

At some piont int he Syriana conversation J lied about why we coulnd't go to the movie. I said that it was a low thing to do.

and out came the laundry list of my crimes.

Anytime there is a significant disagreement about something, sayyyy true or honesty, then the list of my crimes is presented by my friends.

This time it was the issue of me dating my girlfriend.

Goodbye Blue Monday

2006-02-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

Man I got a case of the mondays.

When i got a cas of the mondays i drink a litre of pop and 4 ant acids.

The Pop being Pespsi and the anti-acids being multi-coloured tums.

Actaully this is my breakfast every day, not just Monday

On Monday however, allong with the swallowing of Pepsi and the TUms i make my weekly attempt to

swallow my own tongue.

I don't hate my life so much as I just to see if it can wilfully be done.

I think it can.

Crocuta crocuta

2006-02-18T12:26:00.000-08:00

I've sworn off junk food too and it's been mostly just frozen vegetables for every meal of the day.

I need some crunch in my mouth, and frozen vegetables don't crunch.

I need to feel a splintering and a snap

Maybe I used to be a jackal or a hyena in my last life.

whichever one it is that cracks the bones and sucks out he marrow.

It's not just the crunch it's that I eat things off the floor, I call it the two week rule. If it's only been between the cracks or under the couch cushion for two weeks and it's not surrounded by rat shit then it's still edible.

And sometimes I see a waiter cleaning a half eaten burger off a table while 'm having a pint and I want to say to the waiter

"hey waiter! Mind if I finish off that bit left on the plate?"

But that's not an acceptable request in a first world nation.

The waiter still might give me the leftovers though because he would'nt know what to say

Wouldn't know how to say No!

Or maybe I should'nt underestimate waiters. Waiters are the best assassins.

Roberto shamasio

Walmart

2006-02-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

Today i went to walmart and i tried to walk with confidence while pretending that I'm not jobless caffeine addict.

It helped that nobody knew that pepsi was my favoured means ingenstion.

When i buy Pespi I try not to go to the same cashier, wich isn't hard becouse there are alot of check out stations.

The Walmart greeters thuogh, they gaurd the single exit. Theyre unaviodible.

And the greeters see what I buy every time I go there.

they see and they know.

Roberto shamasio

Valenties Day

2006-02-15T10:56:00.000-08:00

i was in donwtown Otawa today poking in and out of the shops up top bank street and I couldn't help but notice how damn freindly everly girl was to me on th street.

Any attractive girl I gave event he slightest smile, the tiniest nod of the head, they would

My New Diet

2006-02-13T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a vegetarian now, sort of. I don't eat meat much anymore.

Because I think it's sinfull to keep animals in captivity, but I haven't swore off meat completely.

I'm not swearing off any sin forever and ever and ever.

I have never been able to completely turn my back on anything awfull that I enjoy.

Except for cock fighting.

People! There's no excuse for cockfighting! Especially with video games and modern media

that promises to exite us while it sedates us with 'entertainment'.

But I'm not ever gonna cut meat out completely, it's not doable

especially when living in the capital of any given country, on any given day, with all these people from all the different countries bringing all their uniquely seasoned meats.

So 'm not going to discount them all with an oath of non consumption

I bet there's a thousand suble flavors of meat in the capital.

And just this once I'll bet 200 Pesos on the Roundhead Kelso!

Roberto Shamasio

The Weekender

2006-02-11T01:08:00.000-08:00

A line I heard on South park once: "When youre unemployed, weekends are meaningless."

Thats a good piont.

Thuogh not completely true

Weekends are still a bit different than weekdays when you're not working.

The first difference is that on weekends, nights like Friday and Saturday you instinctively want leave the house for a while. Something to do with bio-rythms, not sure what thats about.

I would suggest the Cinema or Perkins Family Restaurent, they serve breakfast at 'Perkins' all day and beer almost all day, and almost all night.

Drinking is pricy when you have no income.

While you can sleep in on weekends giult free, it's actaully more difficult to sleep in on weekdays if you have roomates. If you have room mates like I do, then they are students so they don't work so they bandy about the house waking me up every weekday.

Thuogh I still I actaully sleep in less on saturday than on wednesday

Another major difference is that offices and HR departments are mostly closed on weekends. If you have no job then finding a job is your job.

And you can't do your job effectivly on weekends, so therefore the weekend functions as a real weekend.

It's just that you haven't made any money during the Monday to Friday stretch.

Well maybe you did, but I didn't.

February's a new month, we'll see how I do.

Roberto shamasio

Getting a fucking Haircut!

2006-02-09T16:56:00.000-08:00

Got up at eight this morning and thruogh a combination of dispasion and lethergy decided that there would only be one goal for today

Today would be the day i got a haircut. Youre supposed to cut your hair before strapping explosives to your body and detonating yourself amongst your enemies.

or if youre tryingt o get a respectable job

So today i did nothing other than get a haircut.

I also buoght a comic book.

So I gues that means I did two things today.

Roberto Shamasio

Highlight of my Day

2006-02-07T22:38:00.000-08:00

My cell phone service provider called me today to ask how my service was.

She sounded cute and she was enthusiastic about me having a cell phone

so I told her I had time to talk about how awesome my service was. And it is awesome, but I guess these things always seem awesome till you get the bill, and then like sometimes it's humungous.

Like you hear about how sometimes they don't even tell you how much you owe, they just ask for your house or your car or your wife in lieu of this months payment.

I haven't' got a bill yet so I told her everything was cool.

And everything was cool, and I was feeling cool, being a cool guy with a cellphone and all talking to a girl who was being paid to talk to me.

Exept that I pace when I talk on the phone, and I stepped into a pile of stale fig bars I'd left in a tin on the carpet.

"Fuck' I said, and she said, "excuse me?"

and I said "yeah someone's at the door."
Wich was a lie but it got me off the phone so i could clean the figs and crumbs stuck to the bottom of my foot.

Having smashed newtons on my underfoot, I would either have to keep my foot raised above the carpet or else step back into the newtons.

So i got off the phone cleaned the fig juice and crumbs of my foot but didn't throw away the stale squashed fig bars because I hadn't had diner yet and would need something to eat later on.

------------------Roberto shamasio

2006-01-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

Time to Blog again. Gotta do it, now or never.

A freind of mine recently indicated that nobody was reading the site, and thats alright. Justifyiable as well to be sure.

I'ts not funny anymore if it ever was. or interesting.

I started the blog becouse I had a story, I was gonna do what noone else was doing, I was gonna live in the forest outside of town.

I pussied out. But I kept blogging.

Cuz I liked it. I don't like it aykmore I find it cumbersome and uninspired.

But I can't stop now. beocuse every entry has a piont.

I hope

and if every day I gotta write an entry, and every entry hasw a piont then

Almost Voted for Jack

2006-01-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

Election day arrived and my ass did not vote.

You heard me, did not vote! Didn't want to. I put on my jacket and my scarf to go out and vote.

Cancelled watching "Lord of War" at the Mayfaire so I could vote.

Cancelled dinner with my Rommates so I could vote.

Cancelled buying computer speakers so I could vote and i really wanted those speakers.

And I couldn't get out the door. There was nothing blocking the door, I just couldn't bring myself to go out and vote.

I don't like any of the parties, not even the really fucked up parties, not even the green party. People will say, man thats fucked, that I didn't vote.

Well some crazy shit might happen someday and I just might end up being involved in it. And when that day comes, people will look at who I voted for.

And they would either found that I had voted vengefully. Or that I had voted strategically. But either way they would question why i would vote for a series of parties that i didn't believe in.

So I took off my coat, and flatenend my hair spikes and I chose not to vote for a party that betrayed the ideals of my country.

And so, my ass did not vote.

See it Now

2006-01-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

Been taking the train to school, the "O-train"

a well greased rectal thermometer burrowing it's way through cities dark places.

Last night I waited at the train stop with this fucko journalism student.

He complained the music scene here in Ottawa was dead, that there hasn't been any good music since like the 70's, and that before christams he had been to see an awesome band that played

"like Neil Younge covers and stuff like that".

How is a guy like that supposed to protect us?

Roberto Shamasio

Too cold for Comfort

2006-01-15T11:52:00.000-08:00

Fuck it's cold.

And I'm not just talking about the hearts of Tory Mp's

The wind is tearing peoples faces off.

Roberto Shamasio

Shri - Longka

2006-01-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

I wish people would spell their countries phonetically.

I pronounce Sri Lanka "Sri - Lanka"

But there's these people behind me talking about "Shri - Longka"

I know I"m pronouncing it wrong and they're pronouncing it right.

But why should I have to change how I say "Sri Lanka"? Obvoiulsy I could go on mispronouncing the Sri Lanka but then I'm the one that sounds like a fucking moron.

But I"m just pronouncing it like it's written. From the very start the people who live there should have written it like it's spoken.

And don't give me that 'scars of colonialism' bit. They've been independent long enough to start spelling it properly.

If their government can nationalize the oil rigs, invest in fighter planes and afford to wage a war against the Tamil people

then they have the time and money to properly write the name of their country.

isn't that what good government is about?

Roberto Shamasio

2006-01-13T14:07:00.000-08:00

There was this awfull and hidous transvestite on the bus today on the way back to orleans.

All lipstick and highlights and sunken eyes. A monster strait out of

I've seen many a transvestite, and normally I think that they look just dandy. Black white, unshaven, muscular, even knew one named george who had a nose all crooked from a dustup in Kingston Pen.

But this transvestite had fallen victom to his own hubris.

This particular transvestite had surgically altered his face to achieve the popular media ideal of the feminine. Cheekbone implants, botulism injections and lip enhancement surgenry made him from a man to a monster.

He wasn't nasty looking beocuse he was a man trying to acheive female form, he was nasty becouse he was probably a fine looking treansvestite who, like many a fine looking woman, went to unhealthy lenghs to make themsleeves more 'sexy'.

Yeah I'm an Asshole

2006-01-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

Theres allot I like and allot I don't like about the Tories and it looks like they're going to kick some ass a week from now.

What I like? User fees. I have no issue with having people who use a service being required to pay 5 bucks to go to the hospital.

If I'm paying 5 grand for someone to get their broken arm fixed, then if they have to pay 5 dollars to get that done then that's not horribly unfair.

I'm working class, always have been.

Never made more than 8.75 an hour.

Always lived in poor neighbourhoods.

And I could always afford the 5 dollars. Some who don't like the idea would say, what about the poor?

I am poor. Gonna be poor for a long time too. I plan on it. On the fridge theres a list of things to do today.

Item three on the list of things to do is "live in poverty"

I was told by a good friend of mine once, that if we lived in a socialist state where people were not required to pay taxes, then people would still pay them.

They would volunteer thier money out of a love for the social safety net.

If this be true, then if don't have the money, then one of their fellow citizens or family members would surely volunteer 10 dollars or 5 dollers or 2 dollers so they can recieve thuosands of dolelrs of my money.

Anyone who is too stupid to pay 5 dollars for a service valued at 20, 50 or 100 times the value of that first initial investment is as far as im concerned, going to forget to breath at some soon date anyway.

I'm just saying, 5 bucks isn't so much to ask for a $100 dollers doctors consultation. And yeah I know that asking someone to pay for 5% of what they recieve get is too much to ask.

I'm a basterd but I'm trying to change.

Really I am.

Roberto Shamasio

What Nobody is Talking About Pt.1

2006-01-12T12:52:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm reading "what's the Matter with Kansas?", a book about why poor working class in the heartland of America vote for right wing republicans that are destroying their livelyhoods.

One of the issues raised in the book is an issue that my home town of Blind River faced 5 years ago, and continues to face now. The issue being municipalities willingness to bend the rules for companies if they are willing to set up shop in their area.

Bidding on these companies involves offering the company incentives to move there by making the region "business's friendly".

whichever municipalities offer the corporation the most tax cuts, the most free land, free utilities and infrastructure freesourceing, wins the contract.

So if a factory want to set up in Blind River, we might offer them free land and the right to not pay taxes on that land.

The irony is that while the corporation ins't paying taxes to the municipality, the people living there would have taxes raised to pay for the roads, sewer lines, and power grid upgrades required to support the factories infrastructure.

What Nobody is Talking About Pt.2

2006-01-11T13:23:00.000-08:00

There should not be a bidding process. If a company needs to build a factory, and they need to build it in Canada, then they should have to choose a region for it's merits, not how many laws the region will let the corporation break.

You gotta pay the toll to the troll.

If politicians would put a cap on the bidding process, companies wouldn't be able to turn communities against each other, each one cheating itself out of tax revenue to host the next big business venture.

The NDP would maybe be up to tackle something like this, but it's too late to suggest bidding caps this late in the election.

But I'm going to suggest it anyway.

To somebody somewhere, maybe to someone on the busride home.

isn't that how most MP's get around?

Fuck the Haitus it's Election Time

2006-01-10T14:14:00.000-08:00

Whats the captail of canada like during a winter election?

Wet, friendly, but definately wet. And cold too.

And raining. But people are nothing but friendly. Maybe it's leftover christmas cheer, and that Ottawa is a friendly city.

Or maybe it's that this elections got everyone a little bit edgy. When things are edgy you don't want to be jostling the wrong guy on the bus or using unkind words to strangers.

A winter jacket could conceal just about anything.

Top 5 items I'm concealing underneath my winter jacket.

(in order of weight)

1. Kurt Vonneghuts "Man Without a Country"
2. A snow ball soaked in urine.
3. Fishes?
4. A 5 doller wallet that won't close properly
5. Thats not a riddle. We've been tricked by the dirty Baggins!

But I"m thinking it's mostly the christmas cheer. And the after christmas sales. And the faint hope that indipendent candidate Gary Coleman will win in South Ottawa Riding.

ROberto Shamasio

Hiatus

2006-01-08T10:18:00.000-08:00

I'm off the blog for a while, and have been for a while.

Been too busy with friends and family and getting to Ottawa and being in Ottawa and now I don't have a computer.

I don't even have a phone

When I get a PC I'll post back entries and recent entries as they come up.

Also the mind police called me out at cameco so that's something to consider as far as what I'm going to be recording here. For all I know I'm on a government "No fly list."

Fuck flying, the foods bad and now you have to pay extra for a pillow.

I'm going to be applying for security clearance soon and so I may have to be careful about what I write in the meantime.

If I've been reported to CSIS already by my former employer and I can't get security cleared because of it, then of course I'll have to sue the cameco corporation.

In the meantime, have a happy new year and I'll see you when I see you.

Roberto Shamasio

Vacation Time!

2005-12-27T20:43:00.000-08:00

Tickets Please

2005-12-26T23:23:00.000-08:00

It's been a good one, for life love and happyness.

The goodness of this year and the hope for the next was expressed by the revelers at the classy and and extremely exculsive Iron Horse New Years Eve Bash.

It was so exlcusive that the only people allowed in were people who payed 10 dollers for a ticket, 3 days in advance.

I of course was too lazy to do this and so I had to get hooked up with tickets from Mike "Mikey"

A figure who reamins an enigma not for his resemblance to Benitio Del Toro, and not for lack of openess, honesty and generosity, but for his ability to dominate the cool factor in any room he enters.

Without so much as a word. Perhapse it's the walk.

Or his ability to pull off wearing a toque and a long button down shirt.

Or that he utilizes and properly pronuonces Worchestershire souce. Wich most people just call worshester or worshire suance. Whatever the source of his cool he snagged me and my Sis some seroius tickets.

For wich I award him the first local dairy queen hero of the week award.

I would include a picture of him on this entry but the subject has never been photographed or else such photo's have not been made known to the public.

2005-12-14T18:06:00.000-08:00

Been hearing allot of good things in the elections lately from all parties. Every penny the put in anything, health food,

Moonlight Madness

2005-12-13T14:38:00.000-08:00

In the town of Blind IRver we have whats called moonlight madness, once a year. It's a friday night of a near full moon when the moon turns red and birds fly backwards and merchants shops stay open till 11 o'clock.

wich is 5 hours later than the usual.

There are specails on items and deals to be had and there are draws for stuff like wolvesbane, oak buoghs and aftershave. I'ts basicly a night to kickoff the christmas shopping season.

Normally I don't celebrate a holoday that was knowly and openly created to celebrate consumerism, but it's for a good cause. Moonlight Madness encourages people to shop locally for thier christmas gifts.

During moonlight madness this year I buoght "captain America- Winter Solder pt2", and it was fucking awsome. Fans of the comic book have never wanted Bucky bruoght back to life, but having him retunr tho the comic as a coldblooded solviet era assasin makes it nealry aceptable.

Also scenes of bucky garroting Nazi SS agents during world war II makes him impresses the reasder with the image of Bucky the ass toy of captain America.

McCarthy ReVisited

2005-12-11T16:38:00.001-08:00

December 7th

Dear Mr. Shamas

It has been brought to my attention that you have breached the confidentiality security procedure at the Cameco refinery with insinuations of terrorism on your blog website.

Cameco Refinery has requested that you be immediately removed from the Cameco worksite. You are required to make arrangements to return all Cameco ID or equiptment with your supervisor as soon as possible.
Yours Truly
Ken Mc Millan

Vacation Time!

2005-12-11T16:38:00.000-08:00

In The Name of God The Benevolent and the Mercifull

2005-12-09T20:40:00.000-08:00

The big news here in the north is still the continuing drama of the Sault St,Marie man being held prisoner by a faction of the brave and praiseworthy Iraqi resistance fighters.

Jim Loney, a Christian peace activist in Iraq, who opposed the unlawful US invasion, was captured by the Iraqi resistance fighters a few days back.

He is now awaiting his own execution within 24 hours unless all Iraqi prisoners are released by the occupying forces on the invading army.

I'm hoping that the resistance is smart enough to realize what an opportunity this is for our people to impress the west with an act of rational compassion.

To unlawfully execute Loney him after outpour of moral support from both the Christian community, the CBC, Muslim prisoners illegally detained in Canada and the Canadian Islamic congress would be a blow to the cause of the insurgency.

On behalf of the North, Canadians and all Christians, I ask the lawful and honorable forces of the resistance to let him go. He's a good Christian who opposed the war in Iraq and is geniune in his respect for all people and the cause of peace.

See you soon Jim! The north is here waiting for you.

Roberto Shamasio

Pepsiholic

2005-12-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

Been trying to quite caffeine again, not quit for good,

Just for a few months

Anyone who has ever tried to repeatedly kick a habit will tell you that it's virtually impossible to quit any sort of drug during a federal election.

it's not that were all any busier or stressed out about who's getting into power, it's dealing with the horrific imagery that comes to life during election year.

it's Paul Martin reminding us of his youth and vigor by shouting false ideals through his pendulous jowls,

it's Stephen Harper dressing up in an ill fitting cowboy hat and suspiciously well fitting pair of chaps,

and Jack Layton speaking what he believes is Chinese to a crowd of reporters and blank faced Chinese Canadians.

it's all so horrible that it's all too easy to reach for that 2 liter bottle of Pepsi

And drown my brain in caffeine till my hearts explodes, launching me high into the December sky, where all below me the criminals apear nothing more than fat lying, chaps wearing ants toppling our sand castle.

and digging each others graves.

Roberto Shamasio

2005-12-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

I'm loving the christmas election here in the North, especailly the librals crying about it like little bitches. Theyre angry of behalf of canadiens that the Tories and NDP are putting canada thruogh a christmas election.

I'm not sure how a january election would inconvience anyone anywhere so I'm guessing that the ruling party is really angry on behalf of themsleevs.

It's a matter of logistics really.

The librals have become spioled fat bloated pig faced fucks, and the idea that they are facing ferocoius energetic up and coming politicains is terrifying.

Being that MPs don't really even have to show up to work,

sometimes don't even show up to vote,

and have being paid to do thier research

the idea of having to work for two months, much less having to work over the holidays, is to them unreasonable

And thier sorry that canadiens are going to have to suffer thruogh

. I mean really whats the piont of powerfull people giving themslesv more time off at christmas than any other canadien gets offf all year

It's Starting to Sound allot Like Christmas

2005-11-29T16:16:00.000-08:00

The night comes quick here now in the north, everywhere in the time zone I suppose. I don't mind the forest at night once winter comes.

The crunch of the snow and the reflection of the moon off the gruond illuminates everything. Besides if anything was eating back there, we'd have seen the blood in the snow.

And thats why I love christmas!

Roberto Shamasio

Eat and Drink for Tommrow they Die

2005-11-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

Tonight me and the family when to the annual wild game dinner at the native reservation.

The flesh you so fancifully fry

Lots of awsome food, all wild and all good, lots to eat, even deserts. Most of the meat had been scooped out of the stew but the left behind sup was thick and creamy so I didn't care.

Is not succulent, tasty or kind

Normally I'm not a suop guy. Not into eating liquid. Or eating liquid containg suspended solids. The stew was good.

It's death for no reason, And death for no reason is MURDER

Rabbit in general are awsome. exept when you find them in your home. If you find one then you know theres like 100 more hopping around under the furniture.

It's sizzling blood

Actaully i have never ever heard of that happening. Not even in the filthiest of homes.

and the unholy stench of MURDER

Not even in homes biult here in the howling North Ontarion wilderness.

Oh ... and who hears when animals cry ?

Roberto Shamasio

Long live the Dominion

2005-11-25T12:49:00.000-08:00

Headlines say that the Canadian government was brought down today in a vote of non-confidence.

From my vantage point here in the Northcountry, It is safe to assume that with the collapse of the government anarchy now reigns in the capital. Burning, looting, and executions in the streets. And how long before the brass elect a junta?

With martial law the opening tune of a interim government?

Thats all just theory at this point though, the CBC hasn't reported any such disturbance in daily affairs, but the news media may be under a lock down for reasons of national security.

Needles to say, I won't be returning to the capital until after order has been restored.
Roberto Shamasio

PreExodos

2005-11-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm taking a comic book inventory as I prepare for my triumphant return to the capital early next year.

Amongst the latest news from the capital, 'a memo distributed this week confirming a hiring freeze of hiring white males.'

So I guess that this january I'm not getting a job with the government.

Not even Superman can get a job with governmnet.

Mind you he works for free. But if he ever wanted to buy Louis lane a really expensive dress or something via a government salary he'd be outa luck.

Maybe he could get a job with Petro Canada. Because the government sold the last of their 40% share in PetroCanadaa last year. Why sell? I guess the threat of a national/global fuel shortage didn't';t figure into the decision.

Or the prospect of long term investment in a company with guaranteed quarterly revenue. Or the inevitable soar in stock price that would have allowed the government to sell the company for billions more only a year or two later.

Because if your going to sell out your country, then you gotta sell big. The Paul MArtin government sold us out for cheap.

Superman wouldn't sell out for anything.

Not superman or a beurocrat, I sell myself for 8.50 an hour in a questionable enterprise. Becouse I'm the prole, the average mediocraty,

the unhappy medium.

Roberto Shamasio

2005-11-21T16:22:00.000-08:00

The worst thing about my job is that I find I no longer hate being there. Not that anyone should want to be miserable, i'ts jsut that anyone in there right mind shuold be miserable there.

I't boring, monootnous, and

Vacation Time!

2005-11-19T14:10:00.000-08:00

Work has been awsome by virtue of me not being there for about 5 days now. Mind you I'm not being paid not be there but still it's time off.

If only I could get 5 days off with pay, then I can finally know whats it's like to collect unempoyment insurence.

Never done it, never tried

Not cuz I think I'm to good to steal from hardworking people,

becouse have. I've as acts of political violence stolen from past regimes a painting, a street sign 2 flags and... thats it.

Now if only I can take 60 days off and still be paid then I can finally know what is is too be a guest of the welfare state

....Or a member of parliment.

Roberto Shamasio

Half past Midnight

2005-11-13T18:03:00.000-08:00

On account of the fouled terror plot in Australia, our security rounds at work have been totally fucked with. There is an old saying that "things can always get worse."

Sometimes this is true, But sometimes a situation sucks so badly that any sort of change is a positive one. Like when you're all fat and brain dead and absorbing vitamins via a intranus needle.

Can't get any worse. You could be eaten my bees, squashed by a big ball of spikes, or sold for parts. Even an end is better than the nothing.

And so it is at the Blind River Cameco anti-terror headquarters. After the foiled chemical attack in Oceania, our 8 nightly rounds have now been randomized in order to throw off the terrorists who may be clocking us.

Not that this affects anything, as I pretty much always ignored the patrol schedule and left when I felt like it. But now it's official.

They call it being randomized. It isn't really random though, what the security log calls random, what the news calls random what the weatherman calls random is nearly always a continuity of an undiscovered pattern.

or else the triumph of choice.

Roberto Shamasio

Two minutes

2005-11-11T03:31:00.000-08:00

Beoucse I've been on nights all week and haven't had access to a computer for more than 5 minutes a day, I've been unable to complete most of my entries including my remembrance day address, In it's place I'm including a link I found in the most recent copy of 'adbusters Magazine

In the link were asked for two minutes of silence for not just the veterans who have sacrificed for peace, but for the victims of war and terror attacks as well.
Two Minutes of Silence

Thank you for you two minutes.

And to the veterans thank you for your sacrifices, and I apologoize for often taking our freedom for granted.

For not voting as often as we should, not voting as smart as we should,

for not writing more letters to my Mp and to the newspaer, and

for blogging about me, when I should be bloging about whats going on out there

I"m going to do better and be better.

for the living the and the fallen

I remember.

R.S.

Lights Out!

2005-11-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Last light the power went out here in Blind River, which was totally awesome even though I"m scared of the dark.

Well kind of scared of the dark

Best childhood memories are of the lights going off in the dark

It was like being Jewish on the Sabbath

In Sunday school the were the heroes in the Christian bible, so I just figured they were just another Christian tribe.

Then I got older and the lights came on.

Roberto Shamasio

2005-11-05T15:18:00.000-08:00

Isn't this where canada should be stepping in? Martin should be inviting both parties out for Poutine and flapjacks, Beoucse just becouse they don't

What the white hosue needs is a presedentail badguy chart. The badguys shuld be ranked with the worst at the top

And the not so bad at the bottem.

if youre name is Saddam Hussain, then youre at the top, and yuo need youre ass kicked even if it means the death of a hundred thuosand of youre people and thuosands of dead US troops.

If youre a terrorst who blos up pubs and movie thatres such as gery Adama, youre deemed currently not so bad. So you can eat at the whitehouse.

If youre pushing fo lan reform and distribution iol monies to the poorer classes, then youre pretty bad.

Not invadible, but not welcome to dinner.

Summit of the Americas

2005-11-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

The weathers been stomry as hell this weekend, so I've spent it playing "Heroes of Might and Magic II"

Imagine there's no heaven,

and watching the bitchyness that is the Summit of the Americas.

It's easy if you try,

Last time I took a keen interest in the summit I was learning about the Cuban education system in Toronto 5 about years ago.

No hell below us, Above us only sky, Imagine all the people

The then US presednt opted to not go to that summit because Cuba was invited to speak on that subject.

On account of Cuba being a torture friendly dictatorship.

living for today...

That was the same Bill Clinton that played his saxophone for the man who ordered the Tianamen square massacre.

Imagine there's no countries,

though to balance a negative with a positive, Clinton did revoke Gerry Adams U.S. travel visa on account of him being a threat to national security.

It isnt hard to do, No religion too, Imagine all the people

Gerry Adams that heads the political wing of the IRA for more than 25 five years and has a seat on the terrorist organizations war council. And has nejoy three ST.Patricks day dinners at the white house since bush has been in office

Nothing to kill or die for,

And now Chavez and Bush have had to have thier seats seperated at the Summit of the Americas.

And Martin is taking suble swipes at Bush

And Chavez is prasing castro

And how much are these people being paid to act like children?

Isn't this where canada should be stepping up? Martin should be inviting both parties out for Poutine and flapjacks, make small talk, then get things in the open over a few beer.

Becouse if we do't have a world crushing militery, and the threat of us invoking an embrago makes dictators laugh, and our Un peace missions have been absent for three genocides in the last decade.

then we should be the bringing people together country.

WOuldn't that be something?

Pumkin TIme

2005-10-30T16:43:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite bloggers recently said that the best blogs are written by the poeple with the worse jobs.

Does Capital punishment

And thats generally true, becouse its a means to overcome the banalty of thier lives, fill in the downtime

tend to the security of the people?

Dunno if this generaly applies to the minimalists of the blogesphere

By no means

who seems to be able to type of three sentence blogs eeryday that are absolute poetry. A poetry that educates and illuminates.

It hardens the hearts of men

The gifted beutifully skilled people. Who can sum up a day in a 5 second song

and then go out and change the world for the better

and makes the loss of life

Or the worse.

Becouse in a Country that admires diversity, darkness has it's place.

appear light to them

And so to then is there a place in a morally diverse socity for people who do bad things to evil people. Both inside and outside of the law

it renders life insecure,

Such as tiolet papering trees, re-aranging lawn ornaments, and even egging vehicles.

inasmuch as the law

Becouse two wrongs often do make a right. Not always thuogh,

holds out that Property

But always on Halloween.

is of greater value than life."

Roberto Shamasio

Because they're my favorite

2005-10-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

Fighting terror isn't all about secret trials and terrorizing the citizenry with false threats of Hollywood doomsday scenarios

Sometimes it's sitting in a chair watching

Uranium rich trucks bear down on you

from end of a long long road and Hoping for a bit of violence or a gift of donuts.

But we rarely get donuts, and so far no action, so I pass time sucking on

lollipops. Becouse I enjoy spitting five colors of the rainbow

Outside the security HQ we got big bags selling for 3 bucks a pop.

I would pay 5 being cuz its for charity. But they're selling for 3

so I been cornering the supply like they're bird flue vaccines.

I've also left my open bags of lollipops in the security office for my co-workers to help themselevs to.

I like the purple ones best so when I buy a bag, I stash all the purple ones in my locker.

Is that being selfish, unfair, or unkind?

Surely I am all of the Western World

Roberto Shamasio

Downtime in Wartime

2005-10-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

Working in the anti-terror division of chamico is not all action all the time. Firefights have been non existent in my time at the Chamico Uranium refinery

When there is peace,

due to a lack of interest on behalf of the violent jihadist community.

the warlike man attacks himself"

And also we have not been issued firearms.

Or mace, or even heavy flashlights

that's Nietzsche, and his point is that there really is no peace.

or swords, which would perhaps sour our image as a corporate leader in the peaceful proliferation of nuclear fuels.

And so in the absence of combat and unlawful torture, the job can get boring as ass. So it's tempting to eat food just for something to do.

There's always some war,

which is totally cool with most people

somewhere, with someone.

because if there's one thing more north American than devoting time and energy to fighting a nonexistent enemy,

And becouse the war will never end, there are no winners,

It's eating just to pass the all of the free time created through labor saving devices. And we do love our labor saving devices,

.....and there are no losers

Such as the electric bender

just those who are still around

And Yes! the Electric Guitar!

And Yes! The Microwave Oven!

.....to fight another day.

And heavey hardwood poles!

Sharpened on smooth flat rocks!

Roberto Shamasio

seconds

2005-10-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

science

2005-10-17T18:43:00.000-07:00

and the 6Xhis tag is intact
Carey says:
lame?
Rob Shamas says:
no way
Rob Shamas says:
6X sounds cool
Carey says:
CACCACCACCACCACCAC
Rob Shamas says:
as long as the coolest sounding part is intact than all is good
Carey says:
that's what it is
Carey says:
CAC codes for histidine
Carey says:
the amino acid. and the charge on it allows you to bind it to a nickle column for protein purification
Carey says:
so that's why. but don't know why you need 6
Rob Shamas says:
well I don't know either
Rob Shamas says:
but if theree free I;ll take like 12
Carey says:
thought id' ask lol
Rob Shamas says:
six is good
Carey says:
12 probably makes it unstable
Rob Shamas says:
sonds healthy
Carey says:
it would repel itself too much
Carey says:
outa control!
Rob Shamas says:
wow thats deep!

Long Legged Beasties

2005-09-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

every evening after dinner I take the dog out for a walk,

Here is the painful separation

a real long walk all thruogh the trails that weave thruogh a forest that lies between the muontains to the east and the swamp to the west.

the expulsion from the Garden

The days get short now thuogh, and I won't be taking that long walk after diner anymore

Here is the compulsive striving

BEcouse when you grow up in the north your relationship to the forest is either one of comfort or fear. And when night falls I feel

uncomfortible

to liberate oneself from nature's power

I grew up with a fear of the forest, moreso becouse i spent my every sunday in the fall and winter months in the forest. As I child I saw endless eating and chassing and consuming.

to control and dominate the forces of nature.

Nature is aprreciated for it's surface beuty of course, but so much more often the shapes nature took were about predatation and survival.

Here is the primal fear of losing control and dominance

At work today a guy from process tells us that his cow was attacked behind my house, The calfs tail and a chunk of meat was torn off the back end.

rooted in the all-consuming

He thinks it might have been bears.

awareness and fear of death

I think thats something he aught to be sure about.

the individual ego's emergence out of the collective matrix

Roberto Shamasio

The telephone Game

2005-09-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

Part of my job is too transfer incoming calls to thier proper desitination. I've only been doing it two days so I suck at it so far.

So when the incoming caller says "can you transfer me too...?"

I say, "sure here you go!"

But it takes like 10 seconds for me to find the right button, meanwhile they think theyre on hold. So the person on the line talks about me. So far I've gotten

"His vioce sounds familiar" and

"I don't know he sounds kind of gay"

Or once theyre transfered theres five seconds before I hit the other tranfer button sealing of the line. so I hear what the people I work worth say about me, so far I've gotten

"yeah he's new on security he's figuring uot the system"

and

"Now you know what kind of stupid I have to put up with"

And thats why I'm fighting the war on terror here in Northern Ontario. it's not for the money, i'ts not for the women, and it's not for the power

It's about the respect

Peace

God in the information Age

2005-09-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

Today at work I heard news about my old employer, my first employer, the one who saw a vision of god.

God said to my old boss, "sell your busness, actaion off your belongings, and use your money to travel the country teaching bikers about jesus christ."

Thruogh the medium of puppet shows.

I only bring this up becouse this has everything to do with everything.

Terror

2005-09-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

I was hired by the cameco corperation to combat terrorism

And doing a miserable job of it

becouse the place was awash with terror, the uranium refinery, the town, the entire north shore.

They weren't afraid of terrorist thuogh

not today anyway

Today it was the threat rising gas prices. The pumps were selling at 1.30 a liter and all the townspeople were freaked.

Sudbury and Sault St.Maire and all the villages in between

While I was seeing all the hysteria first hand in the rural North Shore, the panic spread to Ottawa and Toronto,

and all the Towered Cities in between

The Word was that feul prices were skyrocketing by the hour. And everyone from this northern hills to the great metropolis were lined up at the pumps.

And the oil barons laughed

And the politicains drowned out their laugher with lies made believable for them having shouted been shouted so loudly

lying about immediate investigation and long term regulation

The promised an equiry to see if the gas men were oragnizing the rise in prices. And they won't find any evidence.

Becouse there isn't any.

becouse the evil armies need'nt organize themselevs to defeat a people
already subjigated

Roberto Shamasio

CSI Iron Bridge Ontario

2005-09-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was reading in the Blind river newspaper that a residence in Iron Bridge (population 400) was broken into.

No suspects,

Thuogh acording to the local newspaepr "foreignsic evidence is being gathered at the scene."

This impresses me. The forces of occupation have gone from a policy of ignoring muderer, arson and child abuse to DNA collection in recovering a 15 inch Tv, a six Pack , and a sandwich

Small town theives tend to make sandwiches in houses they rob

WHo knows what trigured this newfound ambition amongst the filth

But I'm never mocking the north shore OPP ever again.

On that note, I was mowing the lawn last week and found that someone threw a Tim Hortens coffie cup on my front lawn. So I'm gonna bring the cup in and see if they can run the prints.

Maybe theres some DNA under the lip of the carbaord

Or maybe I should just call it in.

And leave the evidence where it is,

lest I disturb any footprints

or coffee splatter patterns present at the scene.

Expect an update on ther progress

Roberto Shamasio

This is exactly the most interesting thing going on

2005-09-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

Man it's storming out

I'm in Northern Ontario, so it's like a Northern Ontario storm, so there's like enough wind to bow a Styrofoam cup around the yard. Which is allot for here.

I feel most calm during the storm, Cuz then I need no excuse to stay indoors and play video games

So I'm not leaving till the sun is shining

And the Canadien Armed Forces have secured my street

And if the water pipes get clogged and were all out of food. I'll eat what I find under the couch

and drink my own urine, and dilute it with pancake mix

Roberto shamasio

My love of the party Pt 3

2005-09-15T19:47:00.000-07:00

Thank god I don't have any time to bog.

Cuz then I'd fuck this all up

I'd make it all long winded

And there'd be all this second guessing, so it would never get done.

A long time I go loved my political system, and I loved this girl named Christine Dixon. And then in about the same week I gave up on both, and I wrote about that week, and it's reprocusions.

the idea of tying in the personal with the political a was cool idea. Especially since there were strong parallels between the too stories.

But I"m not a writer, so I couldn't make it work

It's 11;14 Pm, I just got off the MSn with my friend English, and it's like 50 minutes till the daily show comes on. And I gotta get up early tomorrow and pump septic tanks on my day off.

The two aren't connected, my disdain for the government and me not loving Dixon.

When it comes down to it, I respect the government. And that's enough. To accept it, accept it's role. I don't have to like it but I can live with it and pitch in where I can. It's the best system we can come up with, and a practical government is really the ideal government.

As bland and uninspired at that sounds.

Christine Dixon, Yeah I love her. She doesn't speak to me but I love her still. But honestly, truly and honestly, I've had too friends that I'm more in love with than I ma with Christine Dixon.

And one of them stopped talking to me 2 years before Christine stopped talking to me

The other I'm cool with. I always held out for Christine because she was the practical choice. We get along well, she's thin and will be forever. She isn't going to get lumpy after her first kid.

Christine's friend told me that Christine was going to get married this October. Today is October 15th. So there's a 50/50 chance that she's already married to her dorky boyfriend who she's not in love with.

I hate to see that because I love her, but....That's that. If I was in love with her that would be cool. Very dramatic. I could blame my deathwish and future military service on that last failed true love.

But Christine is 3rd choice in my heart. I wanted her most because she was the practical choice.

Like our government.

So there was a praralell after all

11:29 time to add the pictures.

Blind River has the Best Fries in Canada

2005-09-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today I pumped septic tanks with my Pops on my day off work.

When the man comes around.

The coolest thing about pumping septic tanks is that between loads of feces, we will make an order of medium fries from Jackies chipstand.

Whoever is unjust,

These fries are the best fries ever.

let him be unjust still.

And the best part is, everyone is welcome at jackies hollowed out van she cooks the fries in. All are welcome, and none are turned away.

Whoever is righteous, let him be righteous still

She makes no distiction between protestant and catholic, the french and the anglo, the rich and the poor, the strong and the wretched, the holy and the profane, the clean and the unclean.

Whoever is filthy,

If you have $2,75, she'll hand you some fries

let him be filthy still

after pumping feces 5 hours my Pops and I are surely filthy.

Listen to the words long written down,

Filthy but deserving of some fries.

When the man comes around.

Roberto Shamasio

A year ago Today

2005-09-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

A year ago today I was living in the woods, just figuring out how things worked without power or plumbing and living in a tent.

I'm forty-seven years old.

It was some humbling shit, not the poverty, but fear

You know how I stayed alive this long? Fear and Fearsome acts.

being afraid all the time, and that fear has never left me.

I didn't stay there long before being taken in by the Jackson's.

A man steals from me, I cut off his hand. If he lies to me

Even still, when I'm working and sweating , and desperately wanting it to be cooler, I still get sick feeling when I hear someone say,

I cut off his tongue

"the temperatures supposed to drop tonight"

If he stands up against me

Likewise, when I heard about so and so disappearing, I think of the tent. I was always hearing things walking around my tent. And you can talk about having a knife and all that, but reality is you're dead as dead

I cut off his head and lift it up for all to see.

if that's what someone wants you to be out there. In the forest

A young Berry Allen said, "When I'm asleep I'm as slow as everybody else". A baseball bat bat to the shin ends things quick.

A spectacle of fearsome acts.

And when you're damp and exhausted and asleep you're even slower

Fear is what maintains the order of things

The breeze still gives me more of a than a chill than it should

And the sun never shines bright enough in the forest

Bill Cutting

Roberto Shamasio

A Pint after Work P1

2005-09-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the community center to donate blood, for love of mankind and the benefit of the species. And a few other more selfish reasons, which is to be expected.

because my motives are rarely completely altrueistic.

But donating blood does help save lives

And showing up to donate blood has been as close as I've come yet, to saving someone's life since working anti-terrorism at the Cameco corporation. Where I have yet to seize any guns or explosives.

or the opportunity to sell information to the enemy

Allot of the motivation to donate was inspired by the disaster in New Orleans, though blood probably isn't on their top 5 priority list.

Among those priorities being clean water, food, insulin, plausible deniability or a time machine.

A bonus of donating blood is that your blood is screened, and they call you if anything nasty is found swimming around. I worked at a recycling plant for half a year, been bit by 10,000 mosquito's and engaged in behavior unbecoming of an officer.

So there may be something swimming around such as

1. Despair

2. West Nile Virus

3. Latent Ebola

4. Rumors of an Adam and the Ants reunion Tour

I know my blood is thick with Number 1

Lets hope that number 1 is accompanied by number 4,

and that 2 and 3

continue to behave themselves.

Roberto shamasio

A Pint after Work P2

2005-09-09T17:23:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what people don't know about donating blood, even the experts.

One of the things that experts don't know about donating blood is that Captain America is incapable of being a donor.

Captain America can't donate blood because his blood contains the secret of the Super hero serum, an experimental drug that transformed the weakling Steve Rogers into the sentinel of freedom during he darkest years of World War II.

Any time his blood is extracted for physical examination, the sample is immediately destroyed, lest it fall into the wrong hands. While the super hero serum kills almost anybody is injected into, it can empower a rare few,

such as the nefarious Red Skull

It was captain America though I was thinking about when the pretty nurses asked me

1. Have I used intervenes drugs in the last 5 years?
2. Have I been in a prison for more than 9 months?
3. Have I traded sex for money or drugs?
4. Have I had sex with a man since 1973?
5. Have I paid for sex with money or drugs?

I wondered throughout the oral survey: Would they have asked Captain America these questions if he was able to donate?

Hell yeah, they're professional and very thorough. They even checked me for track marks. In fact while checking me for track marks

she says. Oh no!

and I say "what?"

And she says "your skin is all dry here, I don't think we'll be able to draw blood today"

Tommorow I will defend the Cameco corporation from an imagined terrorist threat

And Captain America will fight his pretend villains. And I'll reflect on what this day has taught me.

It has taught me to moisturize frequently.

Roberto Shamasio

late entry

2005-09-05T18:06:00.000-07:00

Sure I don't post everyday like youre supposed to, but my first rule of my blogging is...

capture the Shamasio experience

and the second is

capturing the subjects experience should never interfere with the subjects experiences. If I haven't blogged in 4 days, and I have the chance to go out and party instead of blog all the amazing shit from the last four days, the blog can wait.

Becouse what happens at a party can change apersons life

I didn't really celebrate the one year mark becouse I'm not into aniversaries. Birthdays don't mean much and never did. Christmas is'nt on the 23rd, it's when the famiily has time to get together,

Well,...quality is an issue what with the mispellings, gramtical errors, piotnless rambling, mis-sized pictures, stolen and uncredited literary passages and endless posturing.

But not nearly as much as I love not living in a tent behind the recycling plant.

In order of apearence in the blogging experience.

At varoius times duringt his month I'll be crediting and linking those who have helped Roberto's ramblings get where it is today.

Roberto Shamasio

Links + Credits + a Year gone By

2005-09-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

The story of the Iliad

Last week this blog hit the one year mark, and most blogs dont make it a year. A year ago I didn't know I was going to last a year, when I was living in a tent behind the ottawa metrowatse recycling plant.

ends with the death of Hector,

But I had a litle help from my friends and graduated Carleton U without honours of any sort.

and it is from the Odyssey

And everything since has been recorded here more or less. Allot of the posts sucked a bit, and allot of them have sucked very much.

and later poems that we learn the fate

but theyre full and honest and theyre mine and I love'em.

of the other heroes.

I didnt mention hitting the one year mark last becouse I thuoght it would be appropriate to get my links section up so I could link and thank all of the people that made this blog possible. And I'm not a programmer and my blog didn't come with a links sections so it took awhile to get it all set up.

After the death of Hector,

So some of the links are up.

Troy did not immediately fall,

But theres too many to thank in one entry, and I'm not getting as many nights shifts in spetemebr, so at varoius times during this month I'll be crediting and linking those who have helped Roberto's ramblings get where it is today.

but receiving aid from new allies

For all those who helped witht he blog and my very survival in the last year.

still continued its resistance.

get yourself some pie and put it on my bill. I'll settle the tab next time I'm in Town.

Thomas Bulfinch,
"Age of Classic Fable"
ROberto shamasio

Wedding crashers Pt1

2005-09-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

and now farewell

Joe Dore got married this week in Blind River, and not being invited, I drank a liter of White Zinefidel , chased it down with a Coors light, and set off in my pink dress shirt and circa 1983 skinny black tie.

too goodness, humanity and gratitude

To fuck up his party.

By the time I stumbled in I had tossed the tie in garbage at the royal bank cash machine, where i took out money to buy all the drinks I needed to be a mean, mean, very mean drunk.

I have substituted myself for Providence in rewarding the good

However by the time I got there Joe and his Bride where dancing the first dance and I tossed the plan to ruin his party because Joe and his wife looked so damn happy and perfect together that it filled me with joy.

and also the legion has about 15 concrete steps on the way in, so if I got tossed the price would be a few broken bones.

may the God of vengeance

But I really was happy for Joe, and figured that since he left town a few years back, and I just moved back, he probably didn't know I was in town.

So Joe comes over, and he says, "how are you?"

now yield me His place

and I say, "pretty wicked", you look great!" and he did

And Joe says, "where the hell have you been?"

to punish the wicked.

Sweet dear Joseph, how could I have doubted you?

Roberto Shamasio

The Wedding Crasher Pt 2

2005-08-31T19:03:00.000-07:00

Well he rode through the woods

and I say, "I've been in a a cold pittyless place when I can't get any of the girls to fuck me."

on a big blue ox

"Where is that" he asks?

"Blind River!" I say,

giddy as a schoolgirl

He had face as hard as choppin' blocks

But this night was about him so we talk abit about good times, and then we had an ever better time, and I hung out with P_______ Shock and Timmy P, and E_____ Wright and we got all trashed.

Talk about drinkin' that man's so mean that he'd never drink nothin

The party was wicked. I briefly dominated the dancefloor, AC/Dc domminaetd the air waves and the groom was undressed by his own mother for reasons unknown.

but kerosene, and even then

The food was good and the only sour note was Pual requisting the Dj play 'Georgia Satalites',

"Don't Tuoch keep your Hands to Yourself",

A five gallon can is a little bit small for Paul

Wich was I suppose was an unsuble hint for me to keep my hands to myself and stop tuoching his girlfriend. Paul is cool but he can be selfish that way.

Five hundred pounds and nine feet tall, thats Paul

All in all it was the amazing rocking good time you'd expect from the wedding of a man who plays a mean giutar and has a 1o foot tall statue of paul Bunyun in his front yard.

So he jumps on his ox with the fare thee well, and that was all we ever seen of Paul

These are the days I'll miss.

Roberto Shamasio

Tlaloc

2005-08-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

Notime to blog, one 12 huor nightshift another another, 10 miniut blog time opeing.

I was picking my teeth with a big jesus nail and soemthing came loose from between my teeth. It was a piece of chicken or a chucnk of my gums.

27 and I'm rotting already!

The living with the living and the dead with the dead.

Roberto Shamasio

Most people just Called him "The Dude"

2005-08-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

It was recently Bukowski's birthday, a revered and respected poet of who inspite of being too awesome, I've read less than 20 of his poems and none of his books.

Becouase I never got past Silverstien. Always when I was in the mood for poetry I would pick up Silverstien because Silverstien on the lamp table

and Bukowski was downstairs.

And there's comfort in familiarity.

Had a girl like that, for that reason, that she was familiar but I really did love her. She could never get past suede and suede always made her sad. I told her to listen to something else.

She would refuse my sexual advances and say all tired, "I wish you were Brett Anderson, I wish he was here right now he would now. He knows how I'd want to be loved"

which would have been fine with me so long as I got to watch, and Brett didn't rub it in afterwards.

I lent her "Sisters of Mercy", "AFI", and "Rock and Roll Debacle" and some brit pop I felt she could grow to love.

Actually, I lied about lending her "Rock and Roll Debacle."

I didn't listen to the Debacle till summer of 2004, 2 months after the girl left me. By summer 2004 the Rock and Roll debacle were already so rich they didn't even want to be famous anymore.

By the summer of 2005 the bandmates were broke, ripped off, and so stoned that they had forgotten they had previously released 12 albums, one of which can only be bought in vinyl

and two that can only be bought in Estonia.

And they put on a great live show

And did you hear that Leonard Cohen is broke?

Roberto Shamasio

2005-08-18T19:49:00.000-07:00

As civilization and industrialization increase

When you live in a small town with your parents, and all you buy is beer on tap, and theres nothing else to spend your ugly money on.

Your identity as a consumer quickly disappears. It's left me feeling a little emepty even

social ties weaken.

I've run out of things to buy. I want to work, to have a job, but I'm no longer driven by the depserate fear of poverty. I no longer feel the panic of survival I used to feel at the end of each month, when rent was due to the invisible landlord

and his burly French skinhead goon, who I guessed might also be his lover

I feel like an impotent lion in a zoo.

And as those ties weaken....

Living in lethargy, picking over beef flavored tofu.

At least I got to talk to an old girlfriend on MSn tonight. She reminded me of when I was young and hard and had somewhere to go, something to buy and a reason to dress up. And i was expected to be something

it becomes increasingly difficult to form an identity....

Well I think I'm going to leave town sooner than I thuoght. Off to Formossa, maybe in a month. To change the world and eat some noodles.

or connection

For that I'll need money, and thank godness for old girlfriends who still keep in touch.

to anything larger than ourselves

Roberto Shamasio

Seperation Anxiety

2005-08-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

"This town needs an enemy!" Words spoken by madman but nonetheless holding the truth about gruop cohesion and the need for the dramatic in everyday life.

It's also revelationary about canadien insecurity about both our greatness and our national identity.

One of the latest 'scandals'in canadien politcs, surounds the recently apionted governer general of canada, who has been ambigoius on the subject of her vote for or against Quebec seperation.

Personally I think this is simply a matter of jelousy, Xenophobia, anti-immigrant and aniti-linral stream finding a release valve.

But it's a bit more than that.

It's about our country losing momentum, and looking for someone if not to blame, that at least to rally agianst.

The americans are always a fun target, nd softwood lumber a burning issue. But it's been widely reported in the news that the illegal tarrif

I'm going to have to stupidly assume that she voted for sepration.

Links

2005-08-18T13:30:00.000-07:00

i was the biggest ass for a good long time for not linking anybody on my site, but I was afraid to mes with the code and fuck up 6 months of blogging.

I now have a links section.

I'm linking Rob, who updates almost enevr but gives us updates on the ottawa scene.
Also zipra his japanese grilfriend, who is good enuogh to write her entries in english so that the western barbariaans can read them.

Ron gets linked for inspiring me to blo, his blog being the first blog I had ever eead, and the first blog I ever commented on. Luke gets linked for telling me to stop writing crap on Rons blog and get your own.

Robin ward gets linked for updating often, and allowing me to write crap in his coments section thats probably unwlecome. Also he inspired me to cut down the size of my articles.

Pierce gets a mention form inspiring me to put pictures with my entries, wich allows my palce to look a bit more lived in. Adnt Holywriter for his political efforts and being the only guy on the net thats currently linking me.

I'd like ot thank the first person who has ever linked me, but I an't find her page

not the governemnt, not the police and not those whores down at the canada revenune agency, who acaully don't really tax me unfairly, but

The brachistochrone

2005-08-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

You know you live in a small town when...

You're wrking anti-terrorism at the largest uranium refinery in the the world, and your co-worker complains about your attitude problem to the head of the company.

The company in turn complains to your security laison and direct supervisor.

Your supervisor/security liason then doesn't mention the problem to you, but instead takes up the issue of your bad attitude.....

....with your mother.

I got in from working a 12 hour shift the other day and my mom says, "Rob, your supervisoer came over today while you were at work to talk to Dad and I about your attitude at work."

Fighting imaginary people the past 3 months has been ranked by me to be stupidest things i've ever tried to do.

And having my boss visit my mom to tell her I'm not fighting the imaginery people properly is in the top ten most humiliating things I've ever had to endure.

Damn but I do hate my job.

Roberto Shamasio

Bottem Bottem Bottem

2005-08-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

I was playing against myself

The war on terror is a great a hobby for some people. For me it's a job. A job created by someone else as part of their hobby. After all it's not their money but it is thier game.

and against something

A game in which I'm a poorly paid pawn that sits on the corner of the board, unused and unmolested, strategically useless though none the less at the ready.

that I couldn't recognize.

Whoever it is who decided that the uranium refinery needed an anti-terror agent after 9/11 probably isn't paying my salary. My 15 grand a year is not being deducted from his 150 grand a year salary.

I believe I'm the best in the world

It's the company paying my salary, it's the company paying for his company car.

On the upside I'm cheaper than a company car, if the company car is high end sports car.

and if I lose it's a result

And I am not high end. But that's all right, for now at least it's enough to be unused and unmolested, strategically useless though none the less at the ready.

of my own mistake

Roberto Shamasio

love of the Party 3 of 3

2005-08-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

In all things there is a crashing at times. In my love for christine this crashing is a commen thing, thuogh our relashionship is just me sending emails to her email and herself never rplying.

The crashing usaully comes when I hear second hand from her friends about the progress she's making with her boyfirend.

First it was them buying a house

Then it was them being engaged

And after that it was finding out that they're to be married in two months

The first crash came when I was losing my faith in the governments moral authority to lead our coutnry. I was down and feeling kind of helpless to do anythinga bout it when I heard the news that christine and her lame boyfriend buying a house together.

A few motnhs after that, when I was worting thruogh peples trash at the reclycling palnt, I heard when

Long live the new flesh

2005-08-07T18:29:00.000-07:00

I watched four things tonight

1.Videodrome
2. Hard core pornography
3. Filth and the Fury
4. The V for Vendetta tailor

1, 2, and 4, I'd seen a while back, but all mixed together they created a smilex effect. It gon me thinking about what I want to do in the next 4 years and how I may not be around all that much longer as much as I;m enjoying myself.

Those collected media got me thinking about men who kill for thier beliefs under circumstances that endager thier lives or outright insure thier death as the wage for thier participation.

sure I can understand the logic of suicide in a gruop initiative, the infantry chanrge, a terror campiegn or a bar brawl. The gruop is counting on you, and the gruop will succeed only if all others particpate bravely

but what if there is only one agaonst the tide? In watching videodrome, and reading V or vendetta, I have to wonder, how can a person be wililng to die to attack the enemy, knowing that if they failed,

even for an instant

That nobody would repalce them. The revolution woudl be lost with the death of a man.

Surely most of these fictional characters, wether it be V or batman or the punisher, they haev to know that the enmey if unlimited in power.

2005-08-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

Terrorism has awys been importent to me, even in my childhood, in spite of living in a first world country. In my opinion canada is the best country in the owrld to live in. The best of all possible worlds as they say

A very argueable very vain thoery

"When you feel powerless, you grab any power you can"

"When you feel yourself powerless, you'll grab whatever power,
to preserve at least any kind of respect towards yourself."

The man in the crowd

2005-08-05T20:14:00.000-07:00

Damn I can't write tonight, I am endlessly surrounded by people, so much so that my old paranoia is creeping in. It's the endless observation by other people, the subjection to the voyuerism even at one in the morning.

"The old man," I said at length,

I miss being missing in the crowds around Ottawa. I also miss bloggin time, wich I got little time for because I've been working nights like a whore and the Cameco Corp. doesn't let us use the net in the anti-terrorism control room.

is the type and the genius of deep crime.

So I use the security computer to play CDs such as Rancids California punk masterpiece "and Out come the wolves."

He refuses to be alone.

And I use the sink in the employee bathroom as a urinal.

We walks too and fro

I'm also using my status as mail sorter bitch, mail currier bitch and mail bomb inspector bitch to send parcels out of the office on the company bill. I do gotta figure out the autostamp machine first.

He is the man of the crowd.

I'm sending tools to flood ravaged villages

It will be in vain to follow,

The first package will be a hammer from the company shop. Maybe I'll send some nails or a measuring tape later, they've got lot of those lying around. There's also been allot of me lying around, and there's going to be allot more of it if I don't get a raise.

for I shall learn no more of him, nor of his deeds.

Roberto Shamasio

Staring at the sun part 2

2005-07-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

The sun exists for 3 reasons

1. Deliver us photos of woman in bikinis or jean shorts
2. The presentation of expansive sports coverage
3. To destroy the paul Martin Government

It's the destroying i like. Don't get e wrong lads, they stand on the shoulders of gaints,

Staring at the Sun Pt 1

2005-07-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

One of the trashiest haphazard publications in canada is the daily "Toronto Sun", a newspaper I've grown to love as a parent grows to love an ugly child.

The buck toothed political critique is more editorial than fact, and the opinions seem not to echo from the glass towers of toronto or the Byzantine intigues of ottawa but are more akin to the spirit of the trailor parks of southrn Ontario.

And I love it, we need it, we need more. Two scoops please Mr. Icecream man.

It's the vioce of the new scum. Proudly convervative, and riddled with spelling errors, this is not a propaganda vehicle of the wigs, it's the howl eminating from the urban wastelands of canada.

The angry, the white, the working poor.

But Shamasio, it's a racist, conservative Bush Loving Rag. How could you sing it's praises?

Well, I'll get to that later.

Clockface

2005-07-27T14:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight, while on Guard duty, I saw the quality of a face in the face of a clock for the first time in my life. The desk lamp illuminated the clock face like a flashlight illuminates a camp counselor telling a ghost story.

perhaps i see the human in the clock face because the shadows make the clockface seem so imposing, and all human faces are imposing to me. Except for the disfigured, and even then, their visage can sometimes be be imposing for their features having bravely challenged convention.

Roberto Shamasio

Drunk off my anus

2005-07-24T20:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight my friend stevo from America said lets go somewhere. These are the words I wanted a woman to speak to me for years but instead stevo said them which was even better because I knew wherever we went stevo along for the ride and wasn't going to [pullover for anything

i said "lets go to the iron horse"

At the iron horse tavern Stevo and I talked about love, and ultralove we talked about violence and ultra violence and the state of the culture.

We got trashed

I admitted that i planned to be a junkie because wanting drugs I couldn't afford had to be easier than wanting woman I couldn't have like chistine dixon and Mary Anne Wilson.

As he dropped me off, legally to drunk to drive he mentions the dead letter office, "You know what that is?" he says

"Yeah, that's where letter go that are addressed to Jesus and god and santz and Hannibal lecter. "

And then I think about email, all those emails I sent to Christine Dixon that might as well been sent to Santa Claus, or Jesus or hannibal lecter becouse I neever get a reply

And yet I'm so happy I could eat a peruvian hamster,

bones and all!

Roberto shamasio